Rattie Nashun by Ratgirl

2007-01-04T13:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Pweez ignur de wantings uv Shasta Cola. Eye gots hur hur owin gig owin de pubic axis tv sho Cookin Good. Eber sins den she bin okeydokey wif being mi slabe.

Welcum too de peepuls whoo may bee wisiting dis site too chick owit mi musings abouts arts.

Iffn you tipe "rattienashun" in de surge injuns, yu see how pupulir eye iz awil obur de wurl.

Fleas Navidad end Welcum too mi new world order.

Fenk you.

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Rattus

help me please

2004-07-09T13:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

my name is shasta cola

i was drugged and takin to this place i woke up a cuple days ago and i was here

it was the day after my birthday wich is own july 6 i was with my sister arcie at this clown show and the fat clown gave me a ride home

he seamed nice so i wint to his house to see his colection of godzila toys but win we got their he must have nocked me out becus then i woke up and i was in this rumpus room with some arabs and a woman dressed up like a cat

the cat woman sad i was her new slave!!!!!!

i tride to call mi sister arcie on the pay phone but she wont acept the charges

i dont like arabs and they keep trying to get me to wach tv with them

please somebody come get me and arest these freeks

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Rattus

2004-07-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,
Uh lots uv peepuls hez bin cumplaning abowits how eye nebur pust owin mi blug. Eye tels yu wy:

Nun uv de slabes dat iz currantlee inn mi bunker wil heps mi wif mi blug. Dey sez dey wunts dere owin blugs sose dey kin cumplane abowit de nasdee libing cundishuns inn de bunker.

Eye iz waffles bak and forf abowits whever ore nuts eye shud lets won uv de seenyour slabes hab dere owin blug. Eye nose! Eye lets dem yous dis won. No won wil nose de difwents.

Eye gose seize wut dey sez.

[Paws]

De slabes hez wotid amungst demselbs doo wotate de blug pwilvelijajis amungst demselbs. De seenyour slabes gits too go furs.

Eye gose announs dis too dems nows.

[Paws]

Wells, abearentlee de seenyour slabes ar inn de disagweemint obur de ordure uv de blug prwilveligjagjis takings. Dey iz feewing dat ids awil a Ratgirl twik to gits dem too wite owin hur blug. (Dam dey iz smurt!)

Sose dey mos wesin slabes wil gose furst. Dat wud be de ladee woo skweems. (Win we fowin hur dowin heer, dere wusnit a stich uv close owin hurs.) Now she iz whering mi Marfa Washingtun dwess (eye lets hur where it cuz ids gut a pee stane own it frum win Irma de Cat wuz mad et mee).

Heer gose!

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Rattus

2004-02-02T11:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

I'se jiss fowin owit eyes weely pupulur. Mi stooge put inn dee wurds "rattie nashun" inn de googul surge injun in mi blug wus evvyware. Eye iz pupular wif luts uv diffren kines a fuks.

Iffn yu libs inn mi same towin, yu kin seize mi tomarow nites et de Wurl Famus lowinj De Yakalop et 404 Ease Sex Stweet inn de Austin, Texas et 9 pms wif de amazing Uncull Cudduls end mi ole fwen Jobber Ratgirl.

Awso appeering dere iz de stooge Yerico Forp ass Bruto de Clowin.

Eet yur hard out Spiccy de Clowin (woo muved aways too de land uv coughee dweems, Purtland Arewegone). Iffn yuse iz et de Starbooks now, de lil dood wif de sad ice yelling et de wurkurs iz hem. Eye iz currantly protestes Hispanics Across America, incrudeing Spiccy de Clowin (stoogie sez Hispanics IZ Latinos, Spicardo) end awil Spiccy de Clowin yokes, because de Hispanics Across America annoused dere Yeehad aginst rodents, such ass rats like mi (si de Nu Jurk Timz articull abowits diz frum a cuple reeks agos). Dey iz killing de rats inn de Nu Jerk Citee fur know udder weesin dan dat dere iz a luts uv em. Wells, Ratgirl sez, deres a lut uv yu too, PEEPULS.

Wemembur, RATS IZ PEEPULS, TOO, yu dumfuks. Eye nut adwocating de pursicution uv de Hispanics Across America, jiss dere missguydid Def Yeehad aginst rats end udder rodents. End uv curse eye IZ adwocating de ignowing uv awil Spiccy de Clowin yokes. Eye iz nut laffing. Nut ebin iffn dey iz weely funni. Eye wills pees misef furs.

Eye heerd Spiccy de Clowin wus ded ennyways. Eye herd hiz stooge kill hem bi pwetending too bee middul esturn too hiz nu gurlfwend. Tu much tabuli kilt de Clowin. Sham owin yu, Browin Stooge!

Ennyways, eye bee seling sum uv mi Arts & Craps tomuro et de Yakalop. Eye gots abowits 2 hunurd arts & a cupple craps, butt dey iz werry larj craps - human, yu no?

Untills den,
Wemembur wear yu cums fwum - de Rattie Nashun iz fur evwiwon.

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Rattus

2003-05-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Fawse alurm! Jis a lil ear bubl ore sumding.

Sose house doo eye gits own de Blugs uv Not. Eye wun too bee own de Blugs uv Not.

Know won ebbur wites mi bak fwum de Bluggur. Eye hates dem mennies.

Eye fink eym gonna hole mi bref untill dey ansur ore untills dey puts mi own de Blugs uv Not.

How eye surch dese blugs ennyway? Dey iz nut surchibull inn de saim ways ass de Innurnut. Wear ar de tickies dat luv mies.

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Sumding

2003-05-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Itt hass bin a hole minit sins mi lass pusting. Wy hass yu nut ridden mee yet?

Ennyways, eye awso gut dis ledur frum mi fren Ewen. Shi finks eye don wemimbur hur ore sumding eben doh shi wuhs inn 2 theatur shose wif mee jis lass yere end shi hass gowin dwinking wif mee numinous times. Eye fink mebbe shi hass blokd awl dat owit. Edder dat ore shi iz fuking wif mee.

"Dear Ratgirl Sumding,
I went to the Rattie Nation and I am hip to Rattie Nation's jive. I am a
tall animal as opposed to a small animal. Is that okay? I do like all
animals. I work with many of them at my job. They come in & greet me
whenever they like (mostly funky lizards, cats, bullfrogs, toads, bugs &
moths). I have a good rapport with the fish in the fish pond as well.

My info is below.
Thanks, Sumdinggirl Sumding!

________________________________________
Ellen [Caul Mi De Jiraf]
Office Manager Animal"

Eye eraced awl uv hur contack infurmashun becuz awl dim furries owit dere mite sturt shoing up et hur wurk.

Oky, Ewen, eye nose yu hass dem nekkid pikchurs uv mi. Iff'n yu wunts too bee inn de Sperm Garden, yule haf too sine won uv dem comfydenturality agweemints. Jiraf's iz nut smull animuls, butt mi end yu bof no yu iz de saim talniss ass de Jobber, woo evybuddy nose iz part vole, part rat.

Seen ass how voles iz smuller den rats, eye fink yu cud bees jis abowit enny kind uv smull animul. Kine uv like dat taul biscuitball playr fwum Shankhigh. Jiss cuz hees taul dusnit mene hees nut Ashun.

Eye fot eye wud haf muir Ashun fwens seine how Ashun iz part uv Rattie Nashun, butt mebbe de awl speeks uv difrin dialeck.

OO. Sowi, guts too goh du mi biznis. Ladur gatur.

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Sumding

BMX Cud sumwon woo dusnit awweddi nose mi wites mi a ledur sumtime. Eye iz twine too weech owit. Iff'n eye dont mete sum diswabult peepul sune eyes nebur gonna git dat ENYA gwant.

Lub,
RG(SD)

2003-05-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Dis iz bi far de skerriest ledur eyes ebur got. Et wuhs fwum Jobber.

"Stugi put dis asid on mi nek det makes mi du fings dat eye don no im doink. hev yu sene xmen too? its lik dat."

Dats awl. Jis dat massage fwum Jobber.

Eye don eben no wear shi iz.

Eye fink hur stooge wuhs tawking too mi stooge lass nite. Mebbe mi stooge wuhs lurning how too puts de asid own mi skins.

Wut shud eye do?

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Sumding

2003-05-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Stoogie wuns too no iff'n dere iz inny bwogs owt dere bi peepuls dat wurk wif ole peepul.

Sose iff'n yu werks wif ole peepul ore yu nose sumwon woo doos, end dey wite abowts itt own de innurnit, wite mees end lets mee nose.

So fur eye jiss has gut anuddur emale frum Kwak, butt diss time ets abowit hiss papur wowt.

Hear gose:

"[Dear Ratgirl Sumding,

"Thanks for including my letter in your blog. It made me feel special. I'm going to send you that twenty dollars as soon as my mother gets out of prison.]

"I searched the [local paper] high and low for news of our newly granted authority to rule the country recently liberated, but found none and wasn't surprised by its absence.

"And despite ending the evening with four papers in my car the night before last (I'm supposed to end with only two), no errors were reported last night. The night before that, I ended with the requisite two, but a mistake was reported. Last night, I ended with three. My bet is that a mistake will be reported (or maybe not, as once again we were 'saturating' -- we'll be 'saturating' tonight as well, and then I get to do the Sunday paper, which will make things even more interesting -- the Monday paper should be a piece of cake, though, compared with what I've been doing and will be doing).

"Last night, as I was wheeling my papers to my car, [Khakipants], the supervisor, accosted me and let me know that I was supposed to deliver my [BSL]3s and [BSL]4s tonight (those being individuals' abodes that get the paper only three or four days a week). It took me a moment to register what he meant, and this actually seemed to shock him, for he said, 'You looked like you didn't know what I was talking about.' I felt like telling him, 'It's four-o'clock in the morning, I only got four hours sleep, and I've been mindlessly folding papers for the last 45 minutes,' but I figured it wouldn't matter. So I just told him it was all on me, it just took me a minute to understand what he was saying.

"And it is. All on me.

"[Thank you Ratgirl Sumding for being my friend despite my reluctance to openly with you about my irrational fear of non-dairy creamer.

"Your friend,

"KWAK

"P.S. Please don't post this letter on your blog as it is personal in nature and the information contained therein is private between friends.]"

Fenk yu, KWAK, fur yur nise ledurs. Ime gwad wee iz gitting too nose eche uddur so weel.

Iff'n dere iz uddur papur peepuls owit dere woo wud likes too comint own KWAK's leddur, pweez wite mee et de adriss eye kepe gibing yu peepuls butt knowbuddy luks et.

Lubs end wages,

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Sumding (furmerly Rattus)

2003-05-22T16:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Eye hed sumding eye wuhs gowing too wite yu dat wuhs weely exiting, butt eye kant wememur wut itt iz now.

So fur, eye tels mi fans abowit dis Blug, butt nune uv dem has wote mee abowit how gwate itt iz.

Eye fink dere mite bee sumding wong wif de sufwhere ore de innurnit et awl dere hausis.

Eye fot fur shur dere wud bee sum peepuls inn quorumteen sumwears dat wood chick itt owit. Eye herd awil yu peepuls wuhs board inn stuf. Eye meen how lung kin yu play Lineage wifowit deweloping mendal ilniss. Iff'n de langij pwoblim iz to gwate, eye kin aways git won uv de slabes inn mi bunkah too tranzlate de Blug innu Engrish or wadebur langij mi mos pupulus weedahs speeks.

Luts uv smull animuls unnerstan Engrish end Americant. Eye kin awso wite inn Serbo-Rat ore Franco-Rat, butt ass mi fanbass iz lo amung de Serpski narodski rodenti end de Fransylvanians, eye stik wif gud ol Amerikin Rat. Ets uh dialek eye iz cumturtabley inn.

Eye pwomis more frum Kwak inn de fuchur, end awso luk owit fore de wurds fwum Jobber Ratgirl, woo iz currantlee inn hiding frum sum stawkuhs (nut mee dis time).

Lubs end wages,

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Sumding (furmerly Rattus)

2003-05-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Inn de fuchur, evrywon wil speek Rat or nut att al. Howivur, ide like too post de fulowing emale frum sum gy name Kwak. Eye dunt no iff'n hees a smull animul ur nut, butt fore sum weesin hee dont white Rat.

Kwak wites:

"[Ratgirl Sumding, I love your Web Blog. When will you post more about yourself and your experimental arts group for small animals, Sperm Garden? You are my favorite online personality. I like you even more than Ted Casablanca.] What's really sad is that I don't think very many people see that a fascist state is not that far away.

"I love the whole health care thing. One of the 'unalienable rights' outlined in the Declaration of Independence (which I'll take over much of the Constitution any day -- the guys that wrote the DOI were revolting, but the guys who wrote the Constitution were just trying to protect themselves) is the right to 'Life'. How can you have life if you don't have your health? The right to 'Liberty' is sticky, too, when the police can search your car for NO REASON WHATSOEVER, and let's not even discuss the legal use of alcohol and the illegal use of marijuana -- I guess we can fuck ourselves up only with what they tell us we can use to fuck ourselves up. And it's too bad they wrote 'pursuit of happiness' and not just 'happiness'. Then we could REALLY trash money.

"Oh, by the way, it says right after that that 'governments are instituted to SECURE THESE RIGHTS' -- but, still we aren't entitled to health care. I can't figure this one out.

"And right after that it says: 'That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.'

"But I'm just a socialist motherfucker. I mean, where do I get off quoting the DOI to support my communist viewpoints?

"And then it says (I love this): '...when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.'

"Such has been the patient sufferance of the people of this country; and such is now the necessity which constrains us to alter our system of government. The history of the Bush Administration and of most administrations before it is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over the people.

"Of course, if any large group of the people try to revolt, or simply operate outside the constraints of the government, they're going to get a big dose of the ATF, FBI, National Guard, or even the armed forces.

"The time to get free is fast approaching. [Thank you, Ratgirl Sumding. You are the best. Love and kisses, Kwak

P.S. Can you send me your photograph? K.]

Eye wud luv too sin evwibuddi woo wites mee a foto uv misef fwee uv churg, butt sircumstansis dicktate dat eye rechoir a smull postij end hanling fee uv twenty dollars. Ass sune ass yur chick cleers, eye sin yu de foto. Denk you.

Okey, eye nut shur wut de Decoloration of Indywindows hes too doo wif de irrashunal feer uv non-dairy creamer, butt hee wuhs de ownlee won too rites mee essep for awl uv yu smull animuls end pita peepuls disturdeb bye de adwertizmens fore rodent cuntrul dewizes. Eye suspick de adwertizmens iz sum surt uv sik yoke pervertratid bye de oprissed peepuls dat wurk fur Blugger. Kneeless too say, eye awreddi wote Mistah Pyro hissef, rekwisting hee chanj de adwertizmens too sumding les ofensive dan de exturminashun uv de veri beeings dat dis Blug iz Richard Gere'd too.

Ded eye jis wite Richard Gere? Eye sowi, dats won uv mi ishoes inn terrorpy dis weak. Dats wut dey cull a Voidian slip, know dowt.

Iff'n innibuddy wud like too wespawnd too Kwak's emale ore too furdur hiz pownts, pweez wite too Ratgirl Sumding et ratgirlsumding@hotmail.com. Denk yu.

Lubs end wages,

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Sumding (furmerly Rattus)

2003-05-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Eye wuhs jis finking, how kin eye weech owit too peepul end pewl dem innu de Rattie Nashun?

So iff'n dere inni uv yu owit dere dat has mebbe an irratshunul feer uv non-dairy creamer, mebbe yu kin wite mee in mee in Jobber kin discus itt ownline.

Wite mee et ratgirlsumding@hotmail.com. Eye putt Jobber's emale up dere befurn eye esk hur furst end now shi awl mad et mee becuz uv awil de perverfurmonce artists dat iz boddering hur.

Don bee afrade too speek yu mine too Ratgirl Sumding!

Lubs,

Ratgirl Sumding (furmerly Rattus)

2003-05-22T13:31:00.000-07:00

2003-05-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Eye hes sin uh emale to Mistah Pyro woo makes dis sufwhere fore dis sight too cumplane abowit de ofencive adwertizmens owin de blug.

Agin, peepuls, eye iz SOWI. Jis twi end nut luk up dere, okey?

(Eye wuhs pursinally offinid bye de Vole cuntrul adwertizmen becuz yu awil no dat Jobber iz haf-Vole.)

Beers wif mi end eye shur dey chanj et too sumding liss offencive, like cumdons ore pianis engargments.

Denk yu,

Lubs,

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Sumding (furmerly Rattus)

2003-05-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,

Eye hes jist nutisst dat dere iz an adwerdtismint owin mi blog fur rat traps. Eye iz sowi abowit dis. Eye don no how too cumplane too de peepuls dat putt dat dere. Eye fink dey putt dat dere soin eye buys de werzin wifowit dee adwerdtismints.

Eye sowi too awil mi lil fwens owit dere dat dis made dem too cwi. Eye git stoogie cwedit curd in ficks itt sune. Wel, sune ass dey iz nut mackst owit.

Lubs,

Your Fellow Artist,

Ratgirl

2003-05-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Artists,
Dis iz Ratgirl Sumding speeking too yu fwom de bowls uv de bunkah.
Gweetings, Rattie Nashun.
De smull animuls uv Sperm Garden wesh yu a gud efturnune.
Iff'n yu wunts too joyn us, pweeze wite mee ore Jobber Ratgirl et hour secwet hutmale acounts.

Ratgirl Sumding iz et ratgirlsumding@hotmail.com
Jobber Ratgirl iz et hypsuit@hotmail.com

Sperm Garden iz a mulltee-cuturle theatur gwoop fore end bye smull animuls. Wee iz dedicatid too cweating artisic arts dat iz gud fore animuls end dat iz made ownlee bye de animuls.

Pweez donut appley iff'n yu iz nut uh smull animul. Iff'n yu iz nut uh smull animul, yu kin joyn de Fwens uv Sperm Garden, a fore-pwofit innerprice dat heps fun hour theatur arts pwajics.

Ennibuddy kin git hip too de Rattie Nashun.

Wemembur: evwi rat iz a fansi rat

Lubs end wages,

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Sumding (formerly Rattus)