help me please

Dear Fellow Artists,

my name is shasta cola

i was drugged and takin to this place i woke up a cuple days ago and i was here

it was the day after my birthday wich is own july 6 i was with my sister arcie at this clown show and the fat clown gave me a ride home

he seamed nice so i wint to his house to see his colection of godzila toys but win we got their he must have nocked me out becus then i woke up and i was in this rumpus room with some arabs and a woman dressed up like a cat

the cat woman sad i was her new slave!!!!!!

i tride to call mi sister arcie on the pay phone but she wont acept the charges

i dont like arabs and they keep trying to get me to wach tv with them

please somebody come get me and arest these freeks

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Rattus

Dear Fellow Artists,
Uh lots uv peepuls hez bin cumplaning abowits how eye nebur pust owin mi blug. Eye tels yu wy:

Nun uv de slabes dat iz currantlee inn mi bunker wil heps mi wif mi blug. Dey sez dey wunts dere owin blugs sose dey kin cumplane abowit de nasdee libing cundishuns inn de bunker.

Eye iz waffles bak and forf abowits whever ore nuts eye shud lets won uv de seenyour slabes hab dere owin blug. Eye nose! Eye lets dem yous dis won. No won wil nose de difwents.

Eye gose seize wut dey sez.

[Paws]

De slabes hez wotid amungst demselbs doo wotate de blug pwilvelijajis amungst demselbs. De seenyour slabes gits too go furs.

Eye gose announs dis too dems nows.

[Paws]

Wells, abearentlee de seenyour slabes ar inn de disagweemint obur de ordure uv de blug prwilveligjagjis takings. Dey iz feewing dat ids awil a Ratgirl twik to gits dem too wite owin hur blug. (Dam dey iz smurt!)

Sose dey mos wesin slabes wil gose furst. Dat wud be de ladee woo skweems. (Win we fowin hur dowin heer, dere wusnit a stich uv close owin hurs.) Now she iz whering mi Marfa Washingtun dwess (eye lets hur where it cuz ids gut a pee stane own it frum win Irma de Cat wuz mad et mee).

Heer gose!

Your Fellow Artist,
Ratgirl Rattus